This piece is from my newsletter, "The Essential Pause," but I thought I'd share it with a wider audience. Enjoy (or not!)...
I'm just over it.
That is the most honest way I can describe how I've been feeling this week.
My son has been experiencing some major disruptions to his sleep, which means my sleep has been disrupted, too. After several nights of poor sleep, I found myself watching a very familiar story appear: I don’t have enough patience.
And honestly? It felt true.
When I'm woken up in the middle of the night, the reaction that rises in me can be intense. But the more I've paid attention, the more I've wondered if this is actually a lack of patience or if it's just what happens when my basic needs aren't being met.
Maybe patience isn't something we simply have or lose.
Maybe it's a temporary state influenced by our nervous system, our level of exhaustion, and our capacity in that moment.
This feels especially relevant for caregivers. Whether you're caring for children, a sick loved one, pets, or anyone who depends on you, there are seasons where the needs of others can slowly move your own needs to the bottom of the list (or off the list entirely!).
This experience has reminded me that I need to ask for help.
I've been handling all of the nighttime wake-ups myself because I was trying to protect my husband's sleep. But the truth was, he hadn't asked me to carry that alone. I had created a story that his rest mattered more than mine.
So I asked him to step in more, and he was very willing to oblige.
And that small act of receiving support was a powerful reminder that we don't have to wait until we're completely depleted before we allow ourselves to be cared for.
Maybe that's part of what patience is teaching me. Maybe it's not about enduring more. Maybe it's about noticing when we need care, too.
This is the kind of space I hope to offer through my work. Whether through conversation, Shamanic Reiki/journeying, meditation, or somatic practices, my intention is to create a safe nest where people who spend so much of their lives caring for others can experience what it feels like to be cared for themselves.
Because receiving support doesn't make us less capable of caring for others; it's the very thing that allows us to continue.