It is not often that I have trouble falling asleep, but I did last night. I’m finding that the more I welcome and am curious about all my thoughts, the fewer “problems” I seem to have. When I couldn’t fall asleep, it was interesting to see that despite the radio station of my mind being set to an active, noisy channel, there was no overarching story of “This shouldn’t be happening.” There was the humming music of my busy thoughts in the darkness, and it was just right. I knew I should be awake, because I was. No resistance. No problem.
After about an hour, it occurred to me that I had a perfect opportunity to try out a sleep tip I had learned about! I got up from my bed, walked around a little bit, and sat in the recliner in my bedroom. I rocked and rocked. I stopped rocking. I followed my breath and observed my thoughts fade in and out in meditation. I practiced a progressive relaxation exercise. Each action flowed into the next without a plan or a complaint. I knew I shouldn’t be sleeping yet because I wasn’t. No resistance. No problem.
When it was time, I was walked to the bathroom, walked back to bed, and my eyes closed. It was the exact right time to fall asleep precisely when I did, whenever that happened, because I did.
Reality as it appears in the present moment is so much kinder than the stories my mind creates about it. The more I lean in to what’s arising and welcome any experience, the more these stories of “This shouldn’t be happening” are letting go of me. Life unfolds as it does, regardless of my mind’s plans or preferences. When I argue with reality, I lose, and I suffer. When I stay and see what’s actually here and do not become embroiled in the mind’s imagination of how things should go, life feels smooth, even if reality is in direct opposition to the mind’s plans.
The truth is, I don’t know what’s going to happen. Ever. Until it does. Every passing moment is a new discovery, even if the mind desperately tries to convince me that it knows. That is part of its job description, after all. So that precious mind will continue to carry me into the imaginary past and future as it does; I’ll go along with the tales, or I won’t. And all the while, Life continues to unfurl perfectly, uninterrupted, moment by moment.
All is well.